Common questions from dads
Short answers to what fathers ask most. Each one links to the chapter that goes into detail. This is information for England and Wales, not legal advice.
Social services and children's social care
Social services have contacted me. What should I do first?
Stay calm and polite. Find out what the concern is, which process has started, what happens next and when. Write down the social worker's name, the date and what was said. Don't ignore calls or letters. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.
Do I have parental responsibility if I'm not married to the mother?
A mother always has parental responsibility. A father has it if he was married to, or in a civil partnership with, the mother, if he is named on the birth certificate (for a child registered in England or Wales from 1 December 2003), if he and the mother signed a parental responsibility agreement, or if a court has given it to him. If you're not sure, check the birth certificate.
Can social services take my child away?
Not on their own say-so, and usually not without a process. If the local authority is considering court, it normally goes through pre-proceedings first (the Public Law Outline), which starts with a Letter Before Proceedings. Parents are normally entitled to free legal advice at that stage. Social care also can't place your child away from home under section 20 if you have parental responsibility, you object, and you are willing and able to look after your child or arrange care. In an emergency, police can take a child into police protection for up to 72 hours, and a court can make an emergency protection order, with no agreement from you. If any of this is raised, or your child is removed, call a public law children solicitor straight away. Don't wait to see how it goes.
What's the difference between section 20, section 21 and a care order?
Section 20 is voluntary. Your child stays somewhere else by agreement, and you can usually object or ask for them back. Section 21 is the duty to provide somewhere for your child to stay after an emergency removal, by police protection or an emergency protection order. It doesn't need your agreement and lasts days, not months. A care order (section 31, or an interim one under section 38 while the court decides) is made by a judge, and the local authority gets parental responsibility, shared with you. If any of these is raised, call a public law children solicitor straight away.
What is section 21 of the Children Act?
It's the local authority's duty to provide somewhere for your child to stay after an emergency removal, when police take a child into police protection or a court grants an emergency protection order. It isn't a care order and it doesn't depend on your agreement. It lasts only as long as the emergency does, which is days rather than months. After that, your child goes home, you agree to a section 20 arrangement, or the local authority applies for a care order. Get advice from a public law children solicitor straight away.
What is a section 47 enquiry?
It's a child protection enquiry. It asks whether your child is suffering, or likely to suffer, significant harm, and what protection is needed. It can involve other agencies and immediate safety arrangements. A section 17 assessment is different, as it asks what support your child and family need.
Can I record a meeting with social workers?
Ask first. The Family Justice Council published guidance in 2025 saying agencies should have clear policies on when meetings can be recorded openly, with everyone's agreement. Many local authorities now have one, so ask to see yours. From experience, most social workers are fine with it when you ask politely before the meeting. Record openly, not secretly.
How do I complain about social services?
Start by raising it with the team involved. Where the statutory complaints procedure applies it normally has three stages: local resolution (10 working days, up to 20 if complex), an independent investigation, then an independent review panel. Complaints about child protection decisions may follow a different local process, so ask which one applies.
Child arrangements and the family court
Do I have to go to mediation before applying to court?
Normally yes. Before applying for a child arrangements order you must usually attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), unless an exemption applies, such as evidence of domestic abuse, child protection concerns or genuine urgency. The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme can contribute up to £500 towards mediation in eligible cases.
How do I apply for a child arrangements order?
You apply to the family court on form C100, after attending a MIAM or showing you're exempt. The form asks what you want, what you have tried and any safeguarding concerns. There's a court fee, so check the current amount and whether you can get help paying. Cafcass will usually carry out safeguarding checks before the first hearing.
Do fathers get 50/50 custody?
There's no automatic 50/50 in England and Wales. The court's only question is what's best for your child, so it looks at practical things like how far apart the homes are, the school run, work hours and who has done the day-to-day care. You can still ask for equal or shared care, and many dads have it. A practical plan built around your child is what persuades.
What does Cafcass do?
Cafcass is independent of the court and of both parents. Its job is to represent your child's interests and help the court understand the family's situation. Before the first hearing it usually carries out safeguarding checks. Family Court Advisers aren't on either parent's side. They're on the child's side. In Wales it's Cafcass Cymru.
What if the other parent doesn't follow the court order?
When an order is repeatedly not followed without good reason, you can ask the court to enforce it using form C79. First check the order's wording, because parents are held to what it actually says, and check the warning notice is attached. Keep a breach schedule, with one row per breach in date order.
Can I change a child arrangements order?
Yes. The court will usually want to see a genuine change in circumstances, such as a change in work pattern, a change of school or a house move, your child being older with different needs and views, arrangements that have repeatedly broken down, or a new safeguarding concern the order doesn't address.
Separation and parenting apart
I'm seeing my children less. What should I do?
Pause before you react, because messages sent in a panic often end up in front of a judge. Bring the focus back to your child, start a simple record, find support, and keep your ordinary life going. Don't turn up at the door and turn a handover into a confrontation. If you can't agree, mediation comes before a court application.
How do I talk to my ex without it turning into an argument?
Keep messages brief, informative, friendly and firm (BIFF), a method developed by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute. Then leave out the four things that keep an argument going: justifying, arguing, defending and explaining (JADE). Write as if someone else, such as Cafcass or a judge, might read it.
Can men be victims of domestic abuse?
Yes. The Crime Survey estimates that about 2.2 million women and 1.5 million men aged 16 and over in England and Wales experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2025. Abuse isn't only violence. It can be control, humiliation, threats or being cut off from your children, and men often find it hard to recognise. ManKind Initiative (0808 800 1170) and Men's Advice Line (0808 801 0327) offer confidential support. In danger, call 999.