Guides / Family court
Chapter 15 · 3 min read
When the order isn't followed
In short
- 1Check whether it's really a breach of a specific numbered paragraph.
- 2Turn up, record each occasion the same day and send one calm message at the time.
- 3Give fair warning in writing before applying, and don't let a pattern run on unchecked.
You have an order, and it isn't being followed. It's frustrating and, after everything it took to get there, it can feel deeply unfair. How you handle the first few weeks largely decides whether the court can help later.
Is it really a breach?
Not every disruption is a breach, and treating ordinary friction as one damages your credibility.
| Usually a breach | Usually not a breach |
|---|---|
| Time set out in the order doesn't happen because the other parent prevented it | One cancellation because your child was genuinely ill |
| Handovers repeatedly late or in the wrong place, contrary to a specific term | A handover fifteen minutes late once |
| Holiday time in the order cancelled or overwritten | A change you both agreed, even reluctantly |
| A specified call repeatedly blocked | The other parent being unfriendly or slow to reply, unless the order covers communication |
| Your child taken away during your time without agreement | Things you dislike that the order doesn't cover |
Three patterns
The one-off
A single missed time, with or without a convincing reason. Note it, raise it calmly and offer to rearrange. Nothing more.
The drift
Gradually more cancellations, later handovers, shorter time. This is the pattern most fathers let run too long. Start documenting carefully from the first sign.
The stop
Time stops altogether. Find out why before you do anything else. If there's a safeguarding concern behind it, that issue needs addressing first, and an enforcement application is unlikely to be the right route (Chapter 17).
Record each breach the same day
For each one, note the date, the paragraph of the order, what it required, what happened, what you did and any messages, with times.
Saturday 8 March. Paragraph 3 of the order of 14 October 2025 provides for collection at 10am. Arrived 9.55am. No answer at the door. Called at 10.05am, no answer. Text at 10.10am: 'I'm here for collection as per the order.' No reply. Waited until 10.30am. Contact didn't take place.
That entry may later need to satisfy a very high standard of proof (see Enforcement). "Contact kept being stopped in March" won't.
Habits that help
- Turn up anyway. Every time, unless you have been told clearly in advance that it won't happen. Your attendance shows you were ready and willing.
- Send one short text at the door. Factual, timed and calm.
- Keep everything in one place, added the same day.
- Don't add adjectives. No "yet again" or "as usual". The pattern speaks for itself.
Try calm resolution first
If it looks like a misunderstanding or genuine one-off, a short message often resolves it:
Oliver wasn't available on Saturday. I hope everything's OK. Can we arrange a replacement day this week?
If it becomes a pattern, send one clear letter before applying to court. Set out the dates, the paragraphs of the order, offer to discuss what isn't working practically, offer mediation, and say that you will apply to the court if the arrangements don't resume. Keep a copy. It sometimes works on its own. If it doesn't, it shows the court you gave fair warning.
When patience stops helping
Signals that informal steps have run their course include several unexplained breaches in a short period, explanations that are demonstrably untrue, the order being used as a bargaining tool, a stated refusal to follow it, or time stopping altogether for more than a few weeks.
What not to do
- send long or angry messages about the breaches
- turn up at the home or school outside the arrangements
- withhold maintenance or belongings in response
- discuss the breaches with your child
- involve family or a new partner in confrontations
- post about it online