Handovers, school, health and holidays

The practical side of parenting from two homes is where boundaries are tested most often. Clear arrangements in advance prevent most problems.

Handovers

A good handover is short, on time and a bit boring. That's the aim.

Pick the place with care. School or nursery pick-ups mean you and the other parent don't have to meet at all. If you do need to hand over in person, a neutral public place works well.

Keep it brief and warm. Be on time, and send a short message if you're running late. Say a cheerful goodbye to your child, whatever you feel about the other parent. Adult matters can wait for a message later, not the doorstep or the car park.

Know what you will do if it goes wrong. If a handover doesn't happen, don't argue or wait for hours. Make a note of it and follow up in writing.

If handovers have become unsafe or keep ending in conflict, a child contact centreChild contact centre. A safe, neutral place for children to spend time with a parent or for handovers to take place. may help. NACCCNational Association of Child Contact Centres (NACCC). The organisation that accredits child contact services and helps families find a suitable centre or service. can help you find an accredited centre.

School

With parental responsibilityParental responsibility. The legal rights, duties and authority a parent has in relation to a child. It does not on its own guarantee a set amount of time with the child., you're entitled to be involved in your child's education, whether or not they live with you. Department for Education guidance says schools should treat all parents with PRParental responsibility (PR). The legal rights, duties and authority a parent has in relation to a child. equally, unless a court order says otherwise.^[10]

Start by making sure the school has your contact details and knows you want your own copies of reports, letters and event news. Let them know, briefly and neutrally, that the family has separated, so they can support your child if needed.

After that, deal with the school directly. You can speak to your child's teacher yourself, without going through the other parent, and ask for a separate parents' evening appointment if attending together is difficult.

At home, keep the routine for homework, reading and kit the same each week.

Health

With PR you can register with your child's GP, attend appointments and receive information.

Agree in your parenting planParenting plan. A written, non-binding agreement between parents about arrangements for their child. how you will share information about illness, medication and appointments. Keep any medication and instructions moving between homes with your child.

Holidays and travel abroad

The rules depend on whether there's a court order.

No court order. Taking a child out of the UK without the consent of everyone with parental responsibility can be a criminal offence.^[11]

A child arrangements orderChild arrangements order. An order deciding who a child lives with and who they spend time with, and when.. The parent the child lives with can usually take them abroad for up to a month without consent, unless the order says otherwise. A parent the child spends time with, but doesn't live with, normally needs consent.

Either way, ask for written consent well in advance, with dates, destination and contact details. Give the same information when the other parent travels.

Money for the children

Keep receipts for extra costs like school trips, uniforms, clubs and birthday presents. Chapter 8 covers agreeing this in writing.

Special days

Birthdays, Christmas, Eid, Diwali, Mother's Day and Father's Day can be flashpoints. Plan them months ahead. Alternating years, splitting days or holding two celebrations are all common.

Help your children make a card or choose a present for the other parent's special day. It shows them that loving both of you is safe.