Urgent checklist

Use the parts that fit your situation. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.

1. 1

   Pause

   Before you reply to anything that has upset you, stop. Draft it, leave it, and send a shorter, calmer version later or not at all. Ask yourself whether you would be comfortable with a judge reading it.

2. 2

   Keep a record

   Start a short, dated log of what was arranged and what happened. Save messages. Don't edit, crop or delete them.

3. 3

   Protect your children

   Keep adult conflict, adult messages and adult paperwork away from your children. Don't ask them to carry messages or report back on the other home.

4. 4

   Pick one channel

   Move parenting communication to one written channel, such as WhatsApp, text or email. Keep it about the children.

5. 5

   Get the right help

   Safety: If you're being threatened, followed or harassed, or you fear for your children, contact the police and get legal advice.

   Court papers: If you receive an application or a hearing date, read everything and note every deadline.

   Money: Don't stop maintenance because of a dispute about time with your children.

6. 6

   Look after yourself

   Talk to someone today: a friend, your GP, a peer group or a helpline. If you're struggling to cope, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. It's free, at any time.