Looking after yourself through it

You can't be a steady father if you're running on empty. Looking after yourself isn't self-indulgence. It's part of looking after your children. Chapter 2 covered the grief that comes with separation itself. This chapter is about sustaining yourself through what comes after.

Making sense of your emotions

Separation stirs up sadness, anger, fear, relief, guilt and loneliness, sometimes all in one day. Trying to push them down usually makes them come out sideways: at work, at the children, at the other parent or in drink. Naming them, even privately, takes some of the pressure off.

Some fathers find it helps to write for ten minutes at the end of the day. Others talk to a friend, walk, run or train. Find what works for you.

Practical self-care

You don't need a programme. Get three basics roughly right and the rest gets easier.

Sleep. Protect it. Everything else is harder when you're tired.

Food. Regular meals, even simple ones.

Movement. Anything that gets your heart rate up, ideally outside. Many men find exercise the most reliable way to manage stress, and a walk on the beach or in the park does more than it sounds.

Two things to keep an eye on. Be honest with yourself about how much you're drinking, and cut back if it has crept up. And keep some routine on the days you don't have your children, which can be the hardest.

If your sleep, mood, appetite or drinking are affected, book an appointment with your GP.

Building a support system

Think of support in layers, starting with the people closest to you.

Many men find reaching out the hardest part. Start with one message to one person. "Things have been tough lately. Fancy a pint or a walk this week?" is enough.