Guides / Parenting apart
Chapter 8 · 3 min read
Money, maintenance and the legal side
In short
- 1Keep maintenance, finances and time with your children completely separate.
- 2Put every financial arrangement in writing, and get a consent orderConsent order. An order the court makes approving an agreement, for example about child arrangements or finances after divorce. if you were married.
- 3Get advice early, especially if you weren't married or there are debts.
Money and legal process are among the biggest sources of stress after separation. They're also where boundaries matter most, because informal arrangements tend to drift and become new sources of conflict.
This chapter gives an overview for England and Wales. It isn't a substitute for legal or financial advice. It starts with the four things that need sorting, then takes each in turn, and ends with your own day-to-day money.
Keep the issues separate
There are four separate things to sort out. Each has its own route, and none of them should be traded against another.
| What | How it's settled |
|---|---|
| Ending the marriage | Divorce, or dissolution of a civil partnership. |
| Money and property | An agreement approved by the court, or a financial order. |
| Child maintenance | An arrangement between you, or the Child Maintenance ServiceChild Maintenance Service (CMS). The government service that calculates and, if needed, collects child maintenance.. |
| Time with your children | A parenting planParenting plan. A written, non-binding agreement between parents about arrangements for their child. between you, or the family court as a last resort. |
Don't stop paying maintenance because contact has stopped, and don't let time with your children be traded for money. Mixing them damages your position and does nothing for your children.
Divorce
Since April 2022, divorce in England and Wales has been "no fault". Neither of you needs to blame the other, and the divorce can't be contested except on very narrow grounds.[8] This removes one source of conflict, though the arrangements for children and money still need to be sorted out.
Money and property
If you were married or in a civil partnership, the divorce or dissolution itself doesn't decide the finances. That's done separately, either by agreement written up as a consent orderConsent order. An order the court makes approving an agreement, for example about child arrangements or finances after divorce. and approved by the court, or by applying to the court for a financial order.[6] Without an order, financial claims can stay open for years.
The court looks at factors such as income, needs, the children's welfare, contributions and the length of the relationship. Spousal maintenance is possible but isn't automatic.
If you weren't married. The position is different and usually depends on property law and, for children, Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989. Get advice early.
Child maintenance
Parents can agree child maintenance between themselves, which is often called a family-based arrangementFamily-based arrangement. A child maintenance arrangement agreed between parents without using the CMS.. If you can't agree, either parent can use the Child Maintenance Service (CMS), which works out an amount based mainly on the paying parent's income and the number of nights the children stay with them.[5] Shared care reduces the amount.
The CMS can run as Direct PayDirect Pay. A Child Maintenance Service arrangement where it works out the amount and the paying parent pays the receiving parent directly., where parents pay each other, or Collect and PayCollect and Pay. A Child Maintenance Service arrangement where the service collects child maintenance and passes it to the receiving parent. Collection fees apply., where the CMS collects and passes on payments for a fee. The government has announced plans to change how payments are handled, so check the current position and any fees on GOV.UK. The free Child Maintenance Options service can talk you through the choices.
Whatever you agree, put it in writing and pay by standing order so there's a clear record.
Mediation
Mediation can help you discuss finances after separation. Tell the mediator if there has been abuse or intimidation so they can assess whether mediation is suitable. Government guidance on family mediation.
Mediation for child arrangements The MIAM and exemptions in Family Court Roadmap.
Your own money
Separation usually means running two homes on the same money. Start with a simple list of what comes in, what goes out and what you owe. Cut where you can, but protect the costs that make your time with your children work: a bed for them, travel, the basics. If you're struggling, get free debt advice early. Citizens Advice and StepChange can help.
A few boundaries keep money from becoming a new source of conflict. Once you have taken advice, close or separate joint accounts, change your passwords and remove shared access to online banking.
Agree in writing how extra costs like school trips, uniforms and clubs will be split. And don't lend money informally, or agree to "sort it out later".